1 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:27,040 ♪ What I feel ♪ 2 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:30,680 ♪ I can't say ♪ 3 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:37,600 ♪ But my love is there for you anytime of day ♪ 4 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,040 ♪ But if it's not love ♪ 5 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,920 ♪ That you need ♪ 6 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:51,560 ♪ Then I'll try my best to make everything succeed ♪ 7 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,880 ♪ Tell me, what is my life without your love? ♪ 8 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:07,080 ♪ And tell me who am I without you? ♪ 9 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,600 Have all the numbers arrived yet? 10 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,680 Yeah, Bee Juice Honey. 11 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,760 Welcome back to Clarkson's Farm, 12 00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,039 where everything is as we left it. 13 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:28,520 Nearly. 14 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,759 It's gonna stay there for a couple of hours. 15 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,440 - Which one? - This one. 16 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,440 Erm, so... 17 00:01:51,759 --> 00:01:54,200 yeah, in a couple of hours, we'll take it off. 18 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,520 A few weeks earlier, I'd tried to open my pub 19 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,160 while simultaneously doing the harvest. 20 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,120 Power cut, fans are dead, no gas. 21 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,280 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 22 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:12,560 Fucking piece of... 23 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:17,440 And it had all been a bit too stressful. 24 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,600 - All right, mate? - Oh, you're back! 25 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,040 - I'm back and not dead. - How are you? 26 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,840 The Reaper will have to wait. 27 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,400 It was fucking close, though. 28 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:39,920 Cor, you did look ill. 29 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,360 I was worried, I have been worried. I've been properly worried actually. 30 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,880 It's good to see you. What did they say? 31 00:02:46,079 --> 00:02:48,400 - It wasn't a heart attack. - Okay, that's good. 32 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,880 What did the tingling in the arm mean, then? 33 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,800 That was just coincidental. I was scrolling on my phone. 34 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,000 Yeah. 35 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,096 If I hadn't have been doing that, 36 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,960 I wouldn't have got pins and needles in my arm. 37 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,776 And if I hadn't have got pins and needles, I wouldn't have thought: 38 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,760 "Hang on, am I having a heart problem?" 39 00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,280 I wouldn't have gone to hospital. 40 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:08,520 Anyway, they put me in this, like, big Polo ring 41 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,000 and they found I've got really bad coronary artery problems. 42 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,560 - So you've got three arteries... - Coming out the heart? 43 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,240 No, that feed your heart with blood to keep it pumping. 44 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,360 One of them, totally blocked. 45 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,160 One of them looked like something dangling from the roof of a cave 46 00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,040 in the Peak District. 47 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:29,240 And one of them had got so clogged up it had had to form, like, branches. 48 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,720 So my heart wasn't getting any blood. 49 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,120 And I said: 50 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,280 "How close was I to a heart attack?" 51 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,840 And he went: "Days?" 52 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:40,160 Oh fuck. 53 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,480 They put a camera up my arm 54 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,176 and it crossed my chest and into my heart. 55 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,320 - Could you feel it? - Yeah, you can feel it. 56 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,079 And you can see your own heart on a TV screen. Then they put... 57 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,560 Because they were gonna have to do open-heart surgery, they thought. 58 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:54,520 Yeah. 59 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,440 Then they went up and they realised they could actually mend it. 60 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,760 So they got the Dyno-Rod out, shoved that in. 61 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:01,720 - "Dyno-Rod"! - Well, it was! 62 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:05,240 And they had, like, hammers, chisels, cameras. 63 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:09,000 And then they put, like, the stents, which are Brillo pads, in, 64 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,800 to stretch it out. So I should be as good as new. 65 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,720 Oh good. So what have they said, though? 66 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,400 I can't drive for a week. 67 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,000 Okay. 68 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,200 And... 69 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,560 no manual labour of any sort, 70 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,240 I can't stretch myself, for six weeks. 71 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:24,440 - Six weeks? - Yeah. 72 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:25,880 So no on the farm really, then? 73 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,536 - Cause, I mean, everything on the farm... - No, no, I know. I can't. 74 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,440 - I can't move, I can't do anything. - Oh, that's a shame. 75 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:34,880 Well... 76 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,080 Erm, I'm gonna see Lisa. Erm... 77 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,096 Yeah. I'm gonna just feed the cows and bed 'em up. 78 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,240 All right, see you in a bit. 79 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,600 I wasn't the only one who'd been in the wars. 80 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,440 Poor old Sansa. 81 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,960 Got pyometra at the weekend 82 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,400 and had to have an emergency hysterectomy. 83 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,840 You're never going to be able to have puppies, are you? 84 00:04:57,280 --> 00:05:00,400 She could, however, eat whatever she liked, 85 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:04,560 whereas my diet was now in the iron grip of the doctor... 86 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,440 and Lisa. 87 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,560 Thing is, though... 88 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,080 That's cottage cheese! 89 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,080 Urgh, can't eat that shit. 90 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:22,920 That's disgusting. 91 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,000 What is that? 92 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,496 Greek yoghurt. It's better for your microbes in your stomach. 93 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,840 Oh fucking... What do you mean "wheat" yoghurt? 94 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,000 "Greek"! 95 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:36,880 Why would anybody eat Greek anything? 96 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,760 Because you're meant to for your stomach. It's better for you! 97 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,360 I'm not eating knob cheese. 98 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:44,640 What is that? 99 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,200 - What is it? - Kale. 100 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,040 Oh fuck... 101 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,400 I promise you, that is gonna be... I'm going to cook it up. 102 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,400 Wow, that was really bitter and horrible. 103 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,400 We farm beef, 104 00:05:58,600 --> 00:05:59,680 we farm lamb, 105 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,440 we farm pork, 106 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,936 it's what we do for a living here and I can't eat any of it. 107 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,360 You can. Maybe once a month or twice a month 108 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,920 you can have a delicious lamb or a steak. Delicious. 109 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,280 - I can't! - You can! 110 00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,680 I can't! Doctor Lucy said I can't. 111 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,376 - That's not true. - And she said I can't drink 112 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,480 - 'cause my liver's fucked. - Well, your liver will recover. 113 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,200 - What, by tomorrow? - No, not by tomorrow. 114 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,480 Well then, what's the point? 115 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:25,976 What do you mean "what's the point"? Don't be such a petulant little child. 116 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,000 Just get healthier and then you can live life again in, 117 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,520 you know, bits and pieces. 118 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,560 You know, you were in fifth gear the whole time. 119 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,640 - Fifth? - Go down to two-and-a-half gear. 120 00:06:37,159 --> 00:06:39,560 - Fifth? Are you in 1984? - Seventh. 121 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:41,416 - You were in seventh gear the whole time. - Ten... 122 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,040 Mustangs have ten speeds now. 123 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,360 Okay, you were in twelfth gear the whole time. 124 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:48,600 I'm not eating kale! 125 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,920 I'm gonna put loads of chilli and spring onion. 126 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,280 It'll be delicious. 127 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,680 But vegetables are an accompaniment to meat, we know that. 128 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:57,680 - Not for you anymore. - No, I know. 129 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,680 With the car keys confiscated, 130 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:08,320 my daily activities were limited to gentle dog walks 131 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,400 in the golden glow of Autumn. 132 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,680 This was a good way of relaxing, 133 00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:19,320 unless I bumped into my sheeps, 134 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:23,240 who remained as wilfully disobedient as ever. 135 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:27,240 I put them in this field 'cause I want them to graze all this long grass 136 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:30,840 and all they're doing is eating the grass from the path 137 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,200 that I mowed 138 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,400 so I can walk the dogs. 139 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,080 Look. Eat the long... 140 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:38,760 No, I've already mowed this bit! 141 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:40,320 Go and eat over there. 142 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,000 No, don't! Go and eat this. 143 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,200 Look. 144 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,800 - Are you talking to sheep? - Yeah. 145 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,920 So there's, like, all of the food in the world there, hardly any food here: 146 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,120 "Right, we'll go and eat this." And then, of course, they shit on it. 147 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,000 So if someone gave you a glass of wine 148 00:07:57,159 --> 00:07:59,080 or they gave you a bunch of grapes and said: 149 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,856 "Here, make the glass of wine," you'd just drink the glass of wine. 150 00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,400 That's like giving them a bunch of grapes. They've gotta search. 151 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,200 Don't talk to me about wine. 152 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,960 The problem I had, though, is that to keep up 153 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:17,320 with the pub's incessant demands for more meat, 154 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,600 we needed more sheeps. 155 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,280 So a week later, I bought another flock. 156 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,040 And this pleased Kaleb enormously. 157 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,160 What the fuck has he done now? 158 00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:44,400 Have you not learnt anything in the last five years? 159 00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,560 Yeah. 160 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,920 When you get a pub, you need ten sheeps a week, 161 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,200 fat lambs, a week, a week. 162 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,520 So I've had to get more. 163 00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:55,096 I'm literally surrounded with something I hate the most. I stood here, 164 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:56,480 - there's sheep here... - Yeah. 165 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,256 There's sheep over there by the farm shop, if you see them, over there. 166 00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,120 Sheep by the house. 167 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:00,896 - And sheep by the house. - I know. 168 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,520 And these, this is my genius, 169 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,400 these are EasyCare sheep. That's what they're called, EasyCare. 170 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:08,920 Mate, I'm gonna break this to you. 171 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,200 - What? - No sheep is easy to care for. 172 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:12,360 These ones are. 173 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,840 Let me just explain the details, if I may? 174 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:15,800 Go for it. 175 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,680 They don't need shearing. 176 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:21,360 Their hair falls out by itself. So they don't get maggots. 177 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:22,320 - All right. - That's number one. 178 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,840 They're very, very easy to breed 179 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,120 and they lamb very simply. 180 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,320 So you get good lambing, 181 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,480 very low maintenance. 182 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:36,360 Okay, think of it this way. 183 00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,600 Lamborghini. 184 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:41,280 Very difficult things to drive and own in the olden days. 185 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,280 Audi then come along, 186 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,720 blend Audi and Lamborghini together in the Aventador 187 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,600 and you had an easy-care Lamborghini. 188 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:54,080 - Was it easy care, though? - Well, more easy than the Countach. 189 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,880 I then introduced Kaleb to John and Louise, 190 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,160 who'd sold me the EasyCare sheeps. 191 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:01,680 - Hello! - Hi, there! 192 00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,056 - How are you? Are you okay? - Hey! How are you? 193 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,840 In the hope they could talk him round. 194 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,440 So Kaleb doesn't like sheep, yes? 195 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:09,520 No, he doesn't. 196 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,880 But I've been trying to convince him that these are sensible sheep. 197 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,360 Very sensible. Very sensible sheep indeed. 198 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,800 And they lamb really easily. 199 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:22,080 It's basically a wedge-shaped sheep with a long neck. 200 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:27,000 So what it does is it sort of... The lambs will just dive out. 201 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,760 - So what... - What? 'Cause it's pointy? 202 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,416 Because, yeah, it's more pointy. 203 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,600 So the lamb is like an arrow? 204 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,376 Yes, something like that, yeah. 205 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,320 Listen, you're in for a good adventure with these sheep. 206 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,040 Yeah, as soon as I saw the words "EasyCare sheep", I thought: 207 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,360 "Count me in for some." 208 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,560 - 'Cause I've got a dicky ticker. - Yeah? 209 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,616 - So I need "easy care". - You didn't mention that. 210 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,200 Yeah, I don't mention it much. 211 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,240 To be fair, being serious, my mother dropped dead of a heart attack at 67. 212 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,720 - Did she? - Yeah. 213 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,160 - With furred up arteries, no clue. - Cheery news. My ticker's fine. 214 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,000 So, no, they said her heart was fine. 215 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,776 - It was her arteries, exactly the same. - Yeah, exactly, that's what... 216 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,040 And, she'd walked around with a little thing in her chest for yonks. 217 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,000 That's what I've got. 218 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,880 - And, erm... - And she dropped dead at 67. 219 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:08,960 - And they said: "You'll be fine." - Three years. 220 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:09,880 What? Until? 221 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,096 - I drop dead. - No, because you've had your stents. 222 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,680 Honestly, people from Yorkshire, I do like you. 223 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:16,000 - You'll be fine. - Yeah. 224 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:18,040 - You'll be here forever. - Fuck. 225 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,400 Why is the doctor... 226 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,400 Besides lamb, the pub also needed more beef. 227 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:30,680 So with that in mind, I went off to scan my cows 228 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,960 to see if End Game the bull had managed to get them pregnant. 229 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,160 Morning, End Game. How are you, my darling? 230 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,240 To be honest, I wasn't sure. 231 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,920 Clearly he enjoyed the company of the lady cows, 232 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,440 but more as a sort of gay best friend. 233 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,880 Even when the cows were plainly in the mood, 234 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:54,760 he never seemed to take the hint. 235 00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,520 He's a character, isn't he, End Game? 236 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,000 He's a bit playful. 237 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:03,360 Well, "playful" is one way of putting it. 238 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:06,560 "Freddie Mercury" is another way. "George Michael". 239 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,760 On that note, Dilwyn lubed up, 240 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:14,800 so we could find out if End Game had actually been up to anything. 241 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,520 How come it's a double crush? 242 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:20,160 That weighs it, and then that's the weigh scales in that one. 243 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,976 That's more attention than she's had from End Game. 244 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,720 In came the result of the first scan. 245 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,720 - And there he is! - Yes! 246 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,480 End Game's not gay! 247 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:37,560 Well done, cow number one. 248 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,936 - There's a calf! - Oh, yes! 249 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:44,760 I could see it. 250 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:46,840 That is so good. That's two out of two. 251 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,040 Yes! 252 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,056 - Wow, look at that one! - Look at that! 253 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,456 You can see his heart beating there. 254 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,240 Yeah. Well, that's good news. You're up the duff. 255 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:02,160 All in all, End Game had got five of the seven cows pregnant. 256 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,800 So End Game is fertile. Excellent. 257 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,400 End Game, you are a superstar. 258 00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,760 With the animals sorted, 259 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,640 my convalescence went back 260 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:19,200 to its humdrum cycle of dog walks... 261 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,040 Sansa! Arya! 262 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,560 And Greek yoghurt. 263 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,920 There was the odd distraction, though, 264 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:34,360 such as the day when F1 driver Oscar Piastri dropped by. 265 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,120 - There's a lot of gears. - There's a lot of gears. Yeah. 266 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,720 To make content for his social media, 267 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:45,440 he wanted to try his hand at reversing a dolly trailer into a barn. 268 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,080 - Yeah? - All right. Come on, then. 269 00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:51,440 So Kaleb, who naturally had never heard of him... 270 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:52,720 What do you do? 271 00:13:52,880 --> 00:13:55,000 I drive cars. 272 00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,920 ...gave him a quick lesson. 273 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,296 All right, don't need the clutch, only to start it up, yeah? 274 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:01,560 - Okay. - Handbrake. So this is Park here. 275 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,536 If you're in Neutral like this, it will roll a little bit. 276 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,200 But as soon as you pick a gear, like reverse, it will stop. 277 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,440 We'll open the back window so it's much easier so you can see. 278 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,800 - Yeah. - Now, I like to sit like this. 279 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:14,080 - Yeah. - You're looking over your right shoulder, 280 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:17,560 and then I can use my left hand to steer. That's why I said, like, relaxing. 281 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,720 You've got to simply relax in the cab and make this whole space yours. 282 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:21,960 Okay. 283 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,080 So, of course, as soon as you start reversing 284 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,320 and you're spinning the tractor up this way, 285 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,936 that dolly's gonna start turning that way, 286 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,040 but the back goes out the other way. 287 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,600 - Does that make sense? - Yes. 288 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,120 And then I'm gonna spin it the other way. 289 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:40,920 Just gently feather that. 290 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,520 Just gently feather the accelerator just to... 291 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,760 - There's no rush, you know what I mean? - Okay. 292 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,840 And then into the shed we go. 293 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,440 - All right? - Okay. 294 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,400 Like that. 295 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,760 With the "Kaleb-splaining" done, 296 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,160 Oscar took over the controls. 297 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:58,800 Okay, I'm in reverse. 298 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,000 Handbrake's off. We're off to a good start. 299 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,880 Do you know who he is? 300 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,080 No. Who is he? 301 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:06,840 He's a Formula 1 racing driver. 302 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,640 Oh, okay. So he should piss this. 303 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:11,080 Go this way. 304 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,960 Yeah, no, I gotta go this way so I can get it that way. 305 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:21,160 I feel like, this is a restart job already. 306 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,520 I mean, he can go through Eau Rouge flat-out, which is a corner at Spa. 307 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,696 And Oscar Piastri goes through Eau Rouge! 308 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:39,000 Which is incredibly difficult and a brave thing to do. 309 00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:42,760 No, that's the wrong way. 310 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,560 But he is from the city. 311 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,800 Yeah, I gotta go that way. 312 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,240 The shed's over that way! 313 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,000 I need to go... that way. 314 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,040 It's a good job he doesn't have to position his car on the grid like this 315 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,520 with a trailer on it! 316 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,800 Oscar? We're gonna go and get a cup of tea. 317 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:10,560 We'll come back out when you're finished. 318 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,080 I think you can probably get dinner, to be honest. 319 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,840 It does go dark soon! 320 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:16,840 No, you bastard. 321 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,920 I think we've established he can't reverse a trailer. 322 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,400 Oscar, however, hadn't got that memo. 323 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,280 All right, let's start from the very beginning. 324 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,960 And the boy was no quitter. 325 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,280 Oi. I went too early. 326 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,520 With the afternoon light fading... 327 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,280 How have I ended up that sideways? 328 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:46,880 I had to immerse myself in some exciting government paperwork 329 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,120 and Kaleb had jobs to do. 330 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,880 So, we left Oscar to it. 331 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,800 No! Fuck me. 332 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,600 A few days later... 333 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:03,760 Hello. 334 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,440 With the EasyCare sheep settling in, 335 00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:09,319 Dilwyn had come over to give them a check-up. 336 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,880 Which meant we... well, Kaleb... 337 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,440 Go on! 338 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,280 ...had to herd them into an inspection pen. 339 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,880 Go on then, girls! Come on! 340 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,760 - Do you reckon he needs a hand? - I'm not allowed to do manual labour. 341 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,040 - Are you not? - Six weeks. 342 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,880 - 'Cause of the old ticker? - Mm. 343 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,079 Yeah. 344 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:31,720 The doctor said I've got to do nothing, just watch him. 345 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,000 It's a good job you're not a cow or a horse. 346 00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:37,600 I would have put you down by now. Wouldn't I? 347 00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:40,000 Given the name of the sheep, 348 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,480 we were expecting the round-up to be a doddle. 349 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,416 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! 350 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,240 Hey, steady! Steady! Hello! 351 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,240 I fucking hate sheep! 352 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:52,520 Why? 353 00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,376 They're not easy-care, are they? 354 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:00,200 They're not. 355 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,560 They're impossible-to-catch sheep. 356 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,040 Clearly, Kaleb needed help. 357 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,240 And since the sheep drone I'd used in the first series 358 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,280 had turned out to be useless, 359 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:14,760 I decided to use my car instead. 360 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,320 - Where are they? - In the fort. 361 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:18,520 Oh, you're kidding. 362 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,656 I don't think we've ever been in here 363 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,376 the whole time we've been filming on the farm. 364 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,480 This is a Neolithic fort. 365 00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:30,360 I can see now it's just a bund in a rectangle 366 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,680 which used to house town. 367 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:36,240 We are now entering the ancient city, 368 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:38,680 which is home now to my sheep. 369 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,656 Oh, now, you see, you're surprised, aren't you? 370 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,400 'Cause I'm gonna use technology to round you up. 371 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:47,440 Come on. 372 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,960 Out of the fort. 373 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,360 Yes! 374 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,720 Out you go. 375 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,760 Uh-uh, that way! 376 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,760 Get on with you! 377 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,816 Hey, we're getting them, guys. 378 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,760 With the inspection pen just yards away... 379 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:02,920 Come on! 380 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,160 ...success was a certainty. 381 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,600 But then, a splinter group jumped over the electric fence... 382 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,560 Shit, shit, shit. 383 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:15,640 And the rest sold us a dummy and broke free as well. 384 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:18,680 Argh! 385 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,360 Oh, don't go back in, you stupid things. 386 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:25,800 Shall we kill 'em? 387 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:32,440 Yeah? 388 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,520 No, we're not killing them. But, I mean, look... 389 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,760 Now they've gone back in the bloody fort. 390 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,120 With the sheep very much not in the pen, 391 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:49,280 we were forced to deploy every resource we had. 392 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,200 Close that gap a little bit, Ben. 393 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,360 The film crew. 394 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,000 Everyone squeeze up. 395 00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,880 Right, with the entire production crew on it... 396 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:58,320 We got this. We got it. 397 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,200 Don't be an arsehole. 398 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,120 We tried every formation we could think of. 399 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,640 On the far right-hand side, please. 400 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:13,960 Come on! 401 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,976 Connor, close that gap again, mate. 402 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,280 But it was like trying to outfox Real Madrid. 403 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:20,960 Hey, hey, hey! 404 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,920 Oh, look at them. Back in again. 405 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,080 Let's go home. Try again tomorrow. 406 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,560 Well, that was a complete waste of an hour. 407 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:36,520 Yeah. 408 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,080 And a waste of your bill. 409 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,360 Well, we tried. 410 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,160 - Yeah. - Yeah. 411 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:43,720 Right. 412 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,480 You may have a point, Kaleb, about these sheep. 413 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,440 I'm blaming this on you. 414 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,160 I vowed there and then 415 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:54,880 never to buy any more sheep ever again... 416 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,680 Which made my visit to the barn the following morning 417 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:07,560 rather disturbing. 418 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,120 - What the fuck are they? - I dunno. 419 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,376 - They're not sheep. What are they? - They are sheep. 420 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,056 - Unless they're a goat. - What are they? 421 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:19,920 Look, they've run at very high speed into a wall 422 00:21:20,120 --> 00:21:21,360 and smashed their snout. 423 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:22,560 Look! 424 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,400 That's not a sheep! They've got no eyes! 425 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,560 - But I mean, whose are they? - I don't know. 426 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,080 Soon, the mystery was solved. 427 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,480 Oh, aren't they gorgeous? 428 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,480 They're my little Valois! 429 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,320 - You bought them? - Yeah! 430 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,280 - And you put 'em in here? - Yeah! 431 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,016 Well, they have to settle down for a couple of weeks 432 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,160 'cause they've just arrived. 433 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,000 No, no, sorry, Lisa... 434 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:49,440 why have you bought five flat-faced, eyeless sheep? 435 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,240 Because, I thought we could put them in the copse 436 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:53,600 and I could breed them? 437 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,920 - Because they're quite expe... - Breed them? 438 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,920 Yeah. They're quite expensive to buy. 439 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,400 How much are they? 440 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,720 - They're two. - Two hundred quid? 441 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,320 Thousand. 442 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:08,760 - Each? - Yeah! 443 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,280 Yeah! 444 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,000 But... I thought if I could go... These... Okay, listen to me. 445 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,720 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! There's £10,000 worth of sheep just here? 446 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,280 Diddly Squat, Hobby Farm. 447 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,360 It is, literally. £10,000, Lisa! 448 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,400 I know, but can you imagine what I can sell the babies for if they breed? 449 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,880 And I will breed them. So these have all been blood-tested, 450 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,080 - so I'll get an AI ram in. - Where are they from? 451 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,840 From up in Cheshire. 452 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,800 Cheshire? There we go. 453 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,840 Every single Manchester United footballer's wife 454 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,240 has these as a pet, don't they? 455 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,256 - They will do. - They will be when I sell it to them. 456 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:46,560 Wilmslow sheep. 457 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:50,400 Well, I'll leave you to. You're going to have to deal with this. 458 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:51,560 Yeah. 459 00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,560 We could skin 'em and put 'em on the bathroom floor. 460 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:56,200 Don't tease them. 461 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:03,160 One of the things the doctor had especially banned me from doing 462 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:05,200 was going to my pub. 463 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,080 Partly, this was to stop me drinking in it. 464 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,680 But mostly, it was to stop me stressing about it. 465 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:14,440 I had to ignore her, though, 466 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:18,760 because the list of problems was becoming huge. 467 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,000 Power is one of the biggest problems. 468 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,720 To get enough electricity up here to run the pub, we'd need new cables, 469 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:32,800 which would cost £200,000, and obviously that's ridiculous. 470 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,320 So we've had to hire this generator, 471 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:40,400 and it costs £100 a day, a day, to fuel it. 472 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,520 Mind you, that's nothing compared to the cost of theft. 473 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:49,440 Just last night somebody stole £200 worth of cooking oil. 474 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,120 And that's not the maddest thing that gets nicked from here. 475 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:57,280 Every single day somebody steals the light bulbs... 476 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,280 and the urinal traps. 477 00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,280 We've had to screw these down to stop them being nicked. 478 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,360 Who steals a urinal trap? 479 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:05,880 Glasses. 480 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,600 Wanna hazard a guess at how many of these are stolen every week? 481 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,760 No, you're quite wrong. It's 400. 482 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:19,360 400 glasses a week are nicked from here. 483 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,160 For some reason we don't have enough water pressure up here 484 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,640 so we've had to install this 6,000-litre tank 485 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,200 which fills up overnight, 486 00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,320 and even this isn't big enough. 487 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,000 I mean, we just keep running out. 488 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,160 This is the overflow car park 489 00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:35,696 and we've had to put hardcore down, 490 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:39,000 because, as you can see here, everyone was getting stuck. 491 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,720 We even got a fire engine stuck the other day. 492 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:43,200 Then there's the tent. 493 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:46,280 Every morning the roof is lined with condensation. 494 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:50,320 And if it's windy, it gets shaken loose, so it's raining in here. 495 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,480 Then you've got staff problems, complaining to HR, which is basically me. 496 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:56,840 Charlotte, for example. 497 00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,200 Charlotte runs the butcher's counter. 498 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,040 And, you moaned, with some justification, 499 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,360 that customers were saying you look like Kaleb. 500 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,400 There was a comment that I was Kaleb after transition. 501 00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,400 See? This is what you have to deal with as a landlord. 502 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,040 There was, however, a more immediate problem to take care of, 503 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,360 because with November the fifth fast approaching, 504 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,760 Kaleb and I needed to build the bonfire. 505 00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,120 Back up. 506 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,360 And before getting stuck in, 507 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,600 I had to lay out the terms of my employment. 508 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,040 You know, sadly, I can't help you with this. 509 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:38,440 Okay, go home. 510 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,560 No, I need to be here to advise you. 511 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,280 But don't argue 'cause I can't have stress. 512 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,040 So first of all, we need to get a triangular shape. 513 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:48,480 No, not necessarily. 514 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,160 What we do now, look, is you just put the pallets 515 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,080 - either side over the top of this. - What? 516 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,240 We just literally keep that in the centre. 517 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,720 - You can't have a cube-shaped bonfire. - You can. 518 00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,560 - You can't. - You can. 519 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:01,240 - You just can't. - You can! 520 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,920 No, what you need is a pole down the middle, a tree log, down the middle. 521 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,160 And then you stack things up like a wigwam. 522 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:09,440 That has to be the shape of your bonfire. 523 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,680 Once we'd agreed that I was right, 524 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,320 the first job was to find some logs. 525 00:26:17,120 --> 00:26:18,776 You have to get over that way a little bit. 526 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,400 What? You pull it that way? Just pull it. 527 00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,056 - Are you gonna get out and pull it over? - No, I'm not. 528 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,760 - Well, you're gonna have to. - I can't. My doctor says 529 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,200 I can't pull logs. 530 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,576 Well, you can't do anything. You can pull a log! 531 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,136 I can't. You're standing there! 532 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,960 - Go that way a little bit and grab it. - Just don't give me stress. 533 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:36,720 For fuck's sake. 534 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,600 I really do like working in these new conditions 535 00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:42,976 where I can just point at things... 536 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,600 - You're loving this, aren't you? - Yeah. 537 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,136 I don't like this new you. 538 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:48,416 Well, you didn't like the old me very much. 539 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,120 I didn't, to be fair! You're right there! 540 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:54,376 I do love this little sports. 541 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,600 - It's good, innit? It's great. - Yeah. 542 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:58,680 You do look abnormal, though. 543 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,080 I'm in a mobility scooter is what I'm in! 544 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,376 - This is the mobility... - This is what I would get you 545 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:05,200 on the farm. 546 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,520 The mobility scooter of JCBs. 547 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,360 This requires skill and precision, 548 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,400 both of which I have in abundance. 549 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:15,400 Fucking useless. 550 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,800 - You stupid idiot! - What? 551 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,120 It's the worst loading I've ever seen. 552 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:23,936 Don't worry, Kaleb, with editing it'll look like you know what you're doing. 553 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,040 I'm just getting... You arsehole! 554 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,240 That's a good, long, straight log. 555 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,160 That's what you need as the spine. 556 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,880 That's hard work putting that in. 557 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,880 Right, now we're starting to take shape. Our bonfire is gonna... 558 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,280 What are you doing? 559 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:49,280 I didn't do anything! 560 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:50,440 You just pushed it out! 561 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,880 I didn't push it out! I was talking to you! 562 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,960 - You did that on purpose. - I did not do... 563 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:56,120 - Why? - You did. 564 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,520 - Why I'd knock our bonfire down? - You were pushing the boom out. 565 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:03,640 - Fuck's sake. - Stress. 566 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,216 Fuck me. It's like talking to a fucking brick wall. 567 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,600 It's funny, you can feel it. You can feel it building. 568 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,200 Kaleb? 569 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:14,880 You know a lot of farmers have bonfire nights? 570 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:16,040 Yeah. 571 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,640 Is that because they can get rid of certain things on the farm? 572 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,000 Absolutely not. It's to get the family together. 573 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:23,640 - Yeah. - Eating, erm... 574 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:26,720 But if you could see the colour of the smoke coming off the bonfire, 575 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,800 which you can't 'cause it's night obviously on Bonfire Night... 576 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,080 No, I do think a lot of farmers do like Bonfire Night. 577 00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:34,960 I love Bonfire Night because you can just get certain things... 578 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,040 Yeah, your farm's a lot tidier the next day. 579 00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,200 A hundred percent. 580 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,120 - That's going to the skip. - Of course it is. 581 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:44,080 Keep coming. 582 00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:48,360 With the centre pole and the pallets in place... 583 00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:49,560 Perfect. 584 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,000 The next job was to dress it with the bushes. 585 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,000 If I get the sports telehandler then I'll simply push this onto there. 586 00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,416 That won't work. You'll make a mess over that side. 587 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,200 - I promise I won't. - It won't work. 588 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:03,760 It will. Just watch and then you'll see. 589 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:13,520 Come on! 590 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:17,040 That went well. 591 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:19,400 Really well. 592 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,520 That was a car park. It's now a fucking mud bath. 593 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,360 Eager to get the thing finished, 594 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,120 we continued working into the darkness. 595 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,280 And progress was made. 596 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:40,496 If you knock it all down now I'll literally cry. 597 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,200 How brilliant's that? Yeah! 598 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:45,960 Shall I tell you what's funny? 599 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,600 You know this programme's watched in America? 600 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,320 They're gonna wonder what the bloody hell we're doing. 601 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,920 They don't know what Bonfire Night is. 602 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,280 We ought to ex... Actually, you explain it to them. 603 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:00,240 Go on! 604 00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:04,400 Explain to our American audience why we do this every year. 605 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,200 Who do we put on top? 606 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:12,280 Guy Fawkes. 607 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:16,520 Okay, so Guy Fawkes, back in the 17th century, 608 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:18,560 tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament, 609 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:20,440 blow up the government. He failed. 610 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:22,480 He was caught. 611 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:26,320 And every single year we commemorate his failure 612 00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,200 by burning an effigy of him on a bonfire. 613 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,200 And everyone does it. Everyone. There are fireworks 614 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,760 - and we celebrate his failure. - How did he fail? 615 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,840 They stacked the basement of the Houses of Parliament with gunpowder 616 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,520 and then the guy he'd appointed to look after it fell asleep 617 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,240 and the guards found him. 618 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,400 Hey, but you don't have to have Guy Fawkes on the top of the bonfire. 619 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,440 What do you have? A tyre? 620 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:49,920 Anything you don't like. 621 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,280 - Good? - All right. 622 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,720 - I'm knocking it on the head for tonight. - Yeah. 623 00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,560 Well, it looks pretty good from here. 624 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:03,480 A couple of days later, 625 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,520 Dilwyn was due back to try, once again, 626 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,080 to check over my new EasyCare sheeps. 627 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,920 Right, second attempt to get these sheep in the crush, 628 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:16,920 made doubly difficult 629 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,960 because Kaleb has, it being November, 630 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,240 taken his family on holiday to Cornwall. 631 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:25,920 So I'm going to try and use the dogs as well. 632 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:27,560 Right, ready? 633 00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,160 Dogs, you need leads on. 634 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,200 Sansa, Arya, heel! Heel! 635 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:36,400 Oi, you need your leads on. 636 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:39,240 No... 637 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:41,000 Well... 638 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,600 Right. 639 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:45,480 Just me, then. 640 00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,520 Right, these EasyCare sheep have positioned themselves... 641 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,120 at exactly the wrong end of the field. 642 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,520 Except, as it turned out, for one of them. 643 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,040 Oh, God above. 644 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:04,800 It's dead, isn't it? 645 00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,360 There's a big wound in its neck. 646 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:14,800 Fortunately, Dilwyn then arrived. 647 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:15,760 Hi, Dilwyn. 648 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,440 Hi there. Ah! 649 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,080 Ah, the ear's gone. 650 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:20,520 There's no ear. 651 00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,000 Well, who would eat a sheep's ear? 652 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,760 Dogs. Dog worrying is a terrible problem. 653 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,760 When I was in Herefordshire, working in Herefordshire, 654 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,600 the police would bring a dog in and say: 655 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,840 "We're worried about this dog has been worrying sheep." 656 00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,680 And we'd make that dog vomit. 657 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,120 And if it vomited up wool, it was put down there and then. 658 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,640 - No way! - It was. That was in, er... 659 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:45,360 1990. 660 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:46,560 Right, so... 661 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,280 Yes. Also, I think the crows have had a go at her. 662 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,400 The eyes, I see that the eyes... The crows have taken the eyes, have they? 663 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,400 Yeah, and the backside here. 664 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:56,480 What, the crows have eaten her anus? 665 00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,960 Yeah. It's just they tend to poke in there. 666 00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:00,280 - What? - Yeah. 667 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:01,600 They can poke their... 668 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:05,840 and literally pull the lining, the gut out through the anus. 669 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:09,800 And then the crows have thought: "Oh, here we go, let's have a feast." 670 00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,000 I hope I don't come back as a crow. 671 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:17,120 And the other thing I can see, she's also quite swollen in her right hind there. 672 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,000 - Quite what? - Quite swollen. 673 00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:20,800 Well, isn't that rigor mortis? 674 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:24,000 No. That's all gangrene that's set in there. 675 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:25,480 - Gangrene? - Yeah. 676 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:27,520 What manner of death is this? 677 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,240 A dog tears your ear off and then you get gangrene. 678 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:31,200 Yes. 679 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,160 Okay, look, we could sit and discuss this all day long but, erm... 680 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:36,200 - It's not gonna bring her back, is it? - No. 681 00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,040 Dilwyn said that to be sure, 682 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,360 he wanted to do a post-mortem back at the yard. 683 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:47,040 Which meant I had to convert my Range Rover into a hearse. 684 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:49,720 I won't pick it up myself. 685 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:51,760 No, I'll give you a hand. 686 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,160 Please don't let the doctor see me doing all this shit. 687 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:56,880 All right, mind yourself, dog. 688 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:58,520 One... 689 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:00,440 Two... 690 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:02,120 Three. 691 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:03,880 There you go. 692 00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,176 Oh, shitting hell, that smells. 693 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:08,536 The dog thinks it's great. 694 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,040 Jesus Christ. 695 00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,080 Cor, I'm glad I'm not in there. 696 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:20,960 Back at the yard, Dilwyn "Dexter" set to work. 697 00:34:21,159 --> 00:34:23,239 I'm gonna chop here, getting the legs out of the way. 698 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:27,120 I was gonna say I'll sit in the car, but that's worse in there. 699 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,520 - Oh, look at that. - What? 700 00:34:29,679 --> 00:34:31,560 Well, it's just rotten, innit? 701 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,239 - What is? - The whole carcass is. 702 00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,320 That's the stomach, isn't it? The intestines. 703 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,920 That's its fourth stomach. 704 00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:41,960 That's its third one. 705 00:34:42,639 --> 00:34:44,239 'Cause they've got four stomachs. 706 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:47,056 Well, we did say we'd show farming, warts and all on this show, 707 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:49,320 but this is really stretching it this morning, isn't it? 708 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:52,760 Oh Christ, now the faeces is all coming out. 709 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,816 - I've made a hole in there. - It's shitting into its own stomach. 710 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:57,800 Oh, for Christ's sake! 711 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:04,600 I don't wanna come across as metropolitan here, but Dilwyn! 712 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,360 - I've nicked its bowel! - What are you learning from this? 713 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:09,400 Yeah, this is well dead. 714 00:35:15,240 --> 00:35:17,320 Well, I wasn't expecting it to get up and run off. 715 00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:20,840 I'd like to apologise 716 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,880 on behalf of the entire Clarkson's Farm team for this scene. 717 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:26,760 I promise 718 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:28,880 we will try to 719 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,000 lift the mood. 720 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,800 Sadly, however, this wasn't possible, 721 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:40,080 because over at the pub there'd been a problem with our bonfire. 722 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:45,480 Right. 723 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:50,600 Shit. 724 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:53,120 There was no time to worry about 725 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,880 which vandal was responsible for this, though... 726 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:57,840 - Hi, guys. - Hello. 727 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,640 Because with Bonfire Night looming, 728 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:04,440 the pub team and I had to get cracking on the rebuild. 729 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:08,667 Tip it forward a bit, a tad over. There you go. 730 00:36:08,692 --> 00:36:10,296 If you just put it down there. 731 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,480 Mark? I need to get the straw to go in the middle... 732 00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:17,600 which enables people to set fire to it when we're not looking. 733 00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:20,640 As we beavered away, 734 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,360 Annie revealed the arson attack had been an inside job, 735 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,920 involving one of our own car-park attendants. 736 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,080 He texted me and confessed. 737 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:32,040 The guy has confessed? 738 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:33,320 Yeah, he sent me a message. 739 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,880 It's just his final parting gift. 740 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:38,920 He had a couple of pints, on us, and then set fire to this. 741 00:36:38,945 --> 00:36:40,452 What? We gave him a couple of pints? 742 00:36:40,477 --> 00:36:43,333 I think he went to the pub, he was drinking in the pub with his friends, 743 00:36:43,358 --> 00:36:45,340 and then came down here, lit something in the woods, 744 00:36:45,364 --> 00:36:47,336 walked through here and stood back and enjoyed it. 745 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,016 - What did he light in the woods? - I don't know. 746 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:53,960 You can see on the CCTV he carries something from there into here, 747 00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:55,960 chucks it in and then retreats. 748 00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,840 - Did anyone get any footage of the fire? - Yeah. 749 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:02,400 - Have you? - Yeah. 750 00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:03,760 Really? Can I see it? 751 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:06,040 - Oh wow, look. Is that it? - Yes. 752 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:09,400 Oh, so it's actually a very good fire, 753 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,400 albeit 72 hours early. 754 00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:12,560 Yes. 755 00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:14,880 Well, I hope he was pleased with himself. 756 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:18,640 Er, put it round the edge. 757 00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:20,200 What, on here? 758 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,840 It's walking past your butcher's shop when you can't eat meat, 759 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,200 I mean, that is... 760 00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,800 You've got a pub and a butcher's and you can't have anything from any of it. 761 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,160 No, either. I can't get high on my own supply, exactly. 762 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:42,200 As dusk fell, we'd broken the back of the rebuild. 763 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:46,400 Do you know, that's better than the first one. 764 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,760 Yeah. I didn't see the first one until it was burning, though. 765 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,080 I think we can be proud of that. It's good. 766 00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:58,400 Good, good. 767 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,560 What are you having for dinner tonight? 768 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:03,240 Erm, I haven't thought. 769 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,840 Well, it's just I've noticed there's a steak in your pocket. 770 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,200 And... 771 00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,680 All right, I've been shoplifting. I admit. 772 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:15,240 Well, well spotted. 773 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,480 This is a good training course for you all. 774 00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:19,600 Right, I'll see you all tomorrow, then, everyone. 775 00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:22,840 And thanks ever so much for this. It's brilliant. 776 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,720 - Cheers. - Onwards. 777 00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:26,320 Thanks, guys. 778 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:32,560 As the big day dawned, Charlie came back from his holiday 779 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:36,680 and immediately headed over for an urgent chat. 780 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,520 Not surprising given the cataclysmic event 781 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,840 that had hit farming while he'd been away. 782 00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:47,776 The chancellor unveils one of the biggest ever 783 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,440 tax-raising budgets in history. 784 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:52,000 From 2026, 785 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:56,400 farmers whose agricultural assets are worth more than one million pounds 786 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:59,560 will have to pay 20% Inheritance Tax. 787 00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,560 Of course up until now farms had been exempt. 788 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:06,640 This will ensure that we continue to protect small family farms, 789 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:11,800 with three quarters of claims unaffected by these changes. 790 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:20,280 Now... she's claiming... 73% of farms won't be affected by the changes, 791 00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:24,640 which is nonsense. I mean, it's just not true. 792 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,520 - Yep. - And she's claiming 793 00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:27,960 it's only a tiny bit. It isn't. 794 00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:32,160 Anyone whose land and assets are worth more than a million is hit. 795 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,680 So, well, if you've got a hundred acres in Huddersfield, 796 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:37,920 if you've a tractor and a combine harvester... 797 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,960 - So it's... - You're being clobbered. 798 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,120 So page three of The Sunday Times, other papers are available, 799 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,600 some chap called Steven wrote about 800 00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:49,520 a herd of cows that have been there for five generations, 801 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,920 they're a dairy herd in Leicestershire farmed by the Eccleston family. 802 00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:55,720 They've got six hundred cows. 803 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:59,680 Their six hundred cows alone take them over the threshold. 804 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,720 - Yeah, just the cows. - Just the cows. 805 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,400 That's not the dairy parlour. 806 00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:04,800 That's not a tractor. 807 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,720 That's not any of the implements. 808 00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:08,440 - Everything... - Just the cows 809 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,440 gets them over Rachel Reeves'... And she's sitting there, 810 00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,760 with a straight face saying: 811 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:18,200 "Only 27% of farms are affected." It's not true. 812 00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:21,040 No, but, I mean, if you have a rich person 813 00:40:21,240 --> 00:40:24,200 who's made a lot of money in investment banking and buys land 814 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,480 so that they don't have to pay Inheritance Tax, I can understand. 815 00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:29,176 I don't agree with it, but I can understand 816 00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,440 why people would say that was unfair. 817 00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,560 I get that. And I can see why Rachel Reeves 818 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:35,320 would come after people like that, 819 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:38,680 you know, the rich people who've bought land in the countryside, i.e. me. 820 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,760 - Yeah. - But she's just got a blunderbuss 821 00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:44,320 and fired at, you know, the investment bankers, 822 00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:49,120 or James Dyson, the hoover man with eight billion acres. 823 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:52,480 She's aimed for him. But she's hit all the farmers. 824 00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:54,200 Well, I haven't finished my bad news. 825 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:55,440 Oh... 826 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,600 That's the headline of the budget. 827 00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,320 You read down into the budget, 828 00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,280 you're gonna have a carbon tax on your fertiliser. 829 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,440 2027, she's gonna tax fertiliser. 830 00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:09,880 We're gonna be paying between £50 and 75 per tonne 831 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:12,240 on fertiliser. 832 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,520 But, you know, the strange thing is, when you import wheat 833 00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:19,160 from somewhere else it doesn't have all this on it. 834 00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:23,240 You know, it will be UK farmers will have these taxes. 835 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:28,160 So people like bakers will just say: "We can't afford to buy British wheat. 836 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,136 "We'll buy Canadian wheat where none of this applies." 837 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,680 None of this... yeah. 838 00:41:32,480 --> 00:41:36,720 And then, Defra released a statement on the same afternoon 839 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:39,600 saying that the 2025 basic payment 840 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:41,920 would be cut by 76%. 841 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:43,920 You're gonna get 24%. 842 00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:46,120 - So next year... - Hold on. 843 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:48,920 The basic payments were supposed to be phased out over... 844 00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:50,320 Three years. 845 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,320 She saved half a billion next year 846 00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:55,000 from farming alone in cashflow. 847 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:57,040 - It was... - Pick-up trucks, 848 00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,880 they've reclassified pick-up trucks as cars. 849 00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:03,720 So farmers using the L200s and Ford Rangers, 850 00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:05,976 that's now a car so you've gotta pay proper tax on those. 851 00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,240 And that hasn't been mentioned. 852 00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:10,040 I'm gonna be a non-dom. 853 00:42:10,720 --> 00:42:12,960 If only I knew someone I could marry who was Irish. 854 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,520 Yeah, you can't even use your... 855 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:19,176 That could cost you a lot more. 856 00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,280 Meeting over, we headed to the pub 857 00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,800 to get ready for the bonfire party. 858 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:35,120 And job one 859 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:39,360 was deciding whose effigy should be burned. 860 00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:42,680 There we are. 861 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:46,120 I'm Lord Elly and you have free spectacles, 862 00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,400 free suit, free tie... 863 00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:52,880 and the opportunity to go for a little ride in a telehandler! 864 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:54,600 What do you think of that, Keir? 865 00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,160 Come on, Keir. Just gonna lift you up by own testes. 866 00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,760 What do you think of that? Yes! 867 00:43:17,320 --> 00:43:18,640 Once darkness fell, 868 00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:22,320 the pub garden started to fill with the locals. 869 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,080 Ladies and gentlemen! 870 00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:30,040 Welcome to the first-ever Bonfire Night party at The Farmer's Dog. 871 00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,240 We've got pulled-pork burgers 872 00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,440 with homemade apple sauce. We've got toffee apples. 873 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,400 And for the children, we have sausage sandwiches. 874 00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:41,120 And everything, as is always the case at The Farmer's Dog, 875 00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,480 was grown or reared 876 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,680 in Britain by British farmers. 877 00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:48,960 Before Rachel Reeves 878 00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:51,160 f... s it up for everybody. 879 00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,560 Right, here we go. 880 00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:55,800 Before the traditional celebrations began, though, 881 00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,040 I'd laid on an extra treat 882 00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,480 in the shape of a drone show. 883 00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,880 Okay, ladies and gentlemen, hope you enjoy it. 884 00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:10,520 What's happening? 885 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:13,240 Oh, Pepper! 886 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:14,440 Pepper the cow! 887 00:44:15,760 --> 00:44:17,120 Oh, that's so clever! 888 00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,640 What's this going to be? What's it going to be? 889 00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,640 - Oh look, it's a sheep! - Maybe, it's... 890 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:25,280 Oh wow, look at that! 891 00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:28,040 Wow! 892 00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:31,000 What now? 893 00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:35,200 Pig! 894 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:36,400 - Is it a pig? - Yeah! 895 00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:38,920 Oh yeah! 896 00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:45,320 I think there might be a crash on the A40 when they look up at that! 897 00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:49,160 - Combine! - It's a combine! 898 00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:50,480 It's Gerald's combine! 899 00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:51,560 Wow! 900 00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,080 That's gorgeous! 901 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:56,360 The pump and the glass, innit? 902 00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,880 Oh, it's filling up! Ah! 903 00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:01,560 Oh, what's it becoming? 904 00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,280 - Ah, Gerald! - It's Gerald! 905 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,920 - Look at that! - Wow! 906 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,200 That's your Christmas card sorted! 907 00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:20,000 Then the part I'd been looking forward to even more. 908 00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:21,480 Look at this! 909 00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,520 We have smoke! We have fire! 910 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:27,160 Look at it go! 911 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,480 Look, he's smoking. 912 00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:32,480 The guy is getting a warm posterior. 913 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:35,640 His suit has caught alight! 914 00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:39,800 His hair is burning! 915 00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:42,760 His crotch is on fire! 916 00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,760 That is one burning man. 917 00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,800 Given the strength of feelings round here post-budget, 918 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,120 it felt good to make fun of the government. 919 00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:15,600 But all of us knew that to try and stop 920 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:19,160 this astonishing attack on British farming, 921 00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:20,920 fun wouldn't cut it. 922 00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:28,520 And that soon, we'd have to get serious. 923 00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:40,360 Why do we farm? Why do we accept low prices? 924 00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:42,720 Do the government even know where food comes from? 925 00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:44,160 No! 926 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:48,920 When was the last time you played at a venue smaller than this? 927 00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,320 Oh... 928 00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:53,320 Hold that far gate! Hold the far gate! 929 00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:54,520 Fuck! 930 00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:55,760 Ah! 931 00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:57,040 We need a Christmas grotto. 932 00:46:58,200 --> 00:47:00,000 Oh no! Get away!